Newsletter w/c – 6.12.21
- 6th December 2021
Fixtures for Saturday 11th & Sunday 12th December 2021
|Team||Opposition||Venue / Referee||Competition||Kick Off|
|2nds||Old Suttonians 2s||Away / Walch Memorial Ground, Northey Avenue, Cheam SM2 7HJ / Referee: Stefan Malczewski||League – Senior 2 South||14:00|
|3rds||Old Suttonians 4s||Home / Chiswick Pavilion / Referee: Stuart Minors||LOB Junior South Cup||13:30|
|4ths||Old Thorntonians 5s||Away / Richardson Evans Memorial Ground, Roehampton Vale, London, SW15 3PQ||League – 3 South||13:45|
|5ths||Sinjuns Grammarians 3s||Away / Fishponds Playing Fields, Hebdon Road, Tooting, SW17 7LF.||League – 4 South||14:00|
|6ths||Brent 2s||Home / Chiswick School / Referee: Gwendolyn Foster||LOB Minor South Cup||13:45|
|7ths||Old Paulines 3s||Home / Riverside Lands (fixture reversed) / Referee: Amar Chana||League – 7 South||13:00|
|8ths||Old Tiffinians 4s||Away / Grist Memorial Ground, Summer Avenue, East Molesey, Surrey, KT8 9LU||League – 8 South||13:15|
|Sat Vets||No game (postponed)|
|Sun Vets||Old Westminster Citizens Vets||Home / Riverside Lands Pitch 1 / Referee: Stuart Minors||Old Boys Veterans Cup||10:30|
Jose Da Cruz
Eddie Ruiz Acosta
Paulo Budri Do Gad
Meads 0 Dorking 4
Upon walking into the dressing room I was quickly informed of captain Matts current ailments/injuries which makes an Accident and emergency Resus ward on a Friday night look tame. Friday leg day is not for Matt
Lewis Thom was complaining of an ankle issue just to make Matt feel better
An ailment shared and all that
The mood amongst the boys was good and confident
Music was average but it was Chris who was DJ …???
He was made sub based on the music alone
Even glass ankle Sanders was on time
Xavi was pacing the floor like Jimmy Saville at a kids Xmas party looking for the vulnerable …. latecomers
And there were several collared
The dressing room itself was decorated not with Xmas decorations but with manager Gordys tactic paper sheets up around all walls as well as a massive board with magnets like what you see on your mums fridge
The Gordy Bielsa phase is not saving the planet
Whilst on about Beilsa I think this is the first time ever Joe Rich never mentioned Leeds United all day ….
Big Jordan looking relaxed fresh from his sunbed
Mike looked fresh after returning from hanging out the back of Richard Branson or was that hanging out the back of Richard’s Branson’s house ? Anyway the cover story is tennis tuition Mike looked relaxed and pumped
Pavel was hanging upside down from the pipe work for 30 minutes promoting his PT business …Batvel
Jermaine and Ben pitched up together and to be fair looked focused and up for it
But both came with very small chargers
Tim Castle confirmed he and Mike played ladies football many years ago for Fulham ladies
Big Abdi turned up at 1315 taking the C roads from upper Isleworth
Toby Tarquin Cave Brown William Stuart Forbes Stroud Turp was full of life tucking into his pre match snack of smoked salmon canapé , duck pate on bagel croutes with a festive baked Camembert
Ed Glover made an appearance in his new role as video rigger assisted by his young apprentice
Oh and Kev was back after sucking the NHS dry like all jocks before him
Onto the match
We started poorly , ball
Was like a hot potato
Couldn’t pass wind
Dorking took the lead 1-0
For 25 minutes we bombarded the oppo goal and had several decent chances but alas could not convert any of them
Whilst still pushing Dorking broke and scored 2-0
They then converted another before they got a late penalty
This level is all about fitness and taking your chances
Dorking appeared better at both today and deserved the points
You have to fight to reach your aim
You have to sacrifice
You have to work hard
Together as a squad we will
CMON THE MEADS
Report by Kevin Allison
Old Thorntonians 2s – 2 – 0 Old Meadonians 2s
It was a cold, windy day on the open fields of the Richardson Evans Memorial Playing Fields; the sun hung low in the sky, and what little rays it gave lacked heat. Perhaps it is for this reason the Meads boys struggled to rise from the comfort of their beds much before midday. With ten minutes until KO nervous eyes were cast over the broken bench of Reidy, Lloydy and Ally who, despite sporting shinpads and boots, had no intention of entering the field -more on this later. Fortunately for all (Ben Jermain and Jack Cinamon somehow managing to arrive after the start time of 1pm, this writer unsure how both of them managed to avoid being mentioned as Wig nominees) the referee had also forgotten how to tell the time. Thirty minutes later, the game was underway.
It was an uncharacteristically bitty first half and the majority of play was spent outside the Meads penalty area – Si managing to keep Thorntonians at bay without the opposition creating too many clear chances. The first injury came fifteen minutes in – Phil McNicholas unable to play on, much to the disappointment of his own personal army of travelling fans – first sub Reidy suddenly facing the prospect of 75 minutes under his belt. In a rare attack Andrew Findlay broke forwards to go through against the Thorntonians keeper but, citing altitude sickness, the sun in his eyes and with not a goal to his name all season, the attempt could only result in a Meads corner. This was a fleeting moment of quality for the Meads, however, and soon the defence was breached – Thorntonians number 11 somehow strolling from the halfway line unmarked to slot it past the keeper.
Half time came and it was injury number two – Ben Jermain’s gammy knee giving way – and it was an injury ridden Ally’s turn to enter the field. The second half started better, with no clear chances but good pressure building, and it looked more likely that the next goal would result in a Meads equaliser. Unfortunately, it was not meant to be. Where Andrew Reid the coach screams “No flicks, no tricks”, Andrew Reid the player is a showman; the ball lost deep in the Meads half on the right hand side allowing the opposition to fire one in from outside the area. Thorntonians 2-0 Meads.
From thereon out it was a lot huffing and puffing, without much end product. Ed Mckenna’s misfortune in front of goal continued as he saw one trickle agonisingly wide of the post; Ally with a couple of half chances cleared without dropping over the line. The only notable action was Andrew Findlay completing a trio of injuries for the Meads to allow Lloydy’s first appearance in over 12 months. The look of shock on his face at the referee declaring 25 minutes remaining was swiftly put to one side and the game ended with the Meads applying pressure to the opposition goal, without ever really threatening to score. Lloydy can at least claim to be the only defender to not concede a goal all season.
A disappointing week for the Meads but they end it still five points clear at the top of the league. Thorntonians will be a tough place to go for all teams this season – with winnable fixtures against Suttonians and Dorkinians a quick turnaround should allow them to tighten their grip on the top and turn pressure on those below.
MOM: Jack Cinamon WIG: Andrew Findlay (unjustly decided on the darts board post-game)
Mickelham Old Boxillians 1 – 2 OMFC Wildcats III – I told you Newcastle were due
Following on from the Ed Mckenna memoirs of the 2nd XI it is time for the first in the 3rd XI series ‘a day in the life’, the opening chapter giving exclusive access to the life and times of Will ‘don’t call me Phoebe’ Chadwick. The self professed lothario of the team who, even though he looks and sounds (and is) like he is from the glorious holiday resort of Halifax, will always let you know he is a born and bred Liverpool fan and definitely NOT official with Phoebe. Just ask Maria or Sandra or Tracey from Hinge.
Narrator: We join our hero on Saturday morning, after a night in front of the tv with Phoebe, a box of cadburys milk tray and love actually he is primed and ready for the day ahead…
Oh shit it’s a 12.30 meet, better make up a believable lie so the boys don’t vote for me WIG for being late… (opens whatsapp) ‘My train from hackney was delayed’… sorted. Right, let’s go get a Pain Au Chocolat and a Latte before the next train leaves. Is that my train? Nah mine is definitely the next one, definitely time for a quick run to Costa.
Narrator: Will missed the next train
Can’t believe this, the boys are really gonna be pissed. Now who is going to pick me up from the station? I wish Brendan was here, and Sam, he is the Merry to my Pippin.
Narrator: Will decided to ask Rorke to pick him up who accepted knowing it would make himself 30 minutes late to meet, what a bloke, turns out Rorke had the kit….
It’s not my fault the boys were there early (on time), it must be Rorke’s fault for giving me a lift when he had the kit. Liam can shut his mouth too, chirping me on WhatsApp.
Narrator: Will arrives and is reunited with Brendan, however Sam is absent, missing the game to watch Dulwich Hamlet even though Liam sold his West Ham Chelsea ticket the day of the game hearing we were short.
10 minutes till kick off, I’m well up for this but let’s wait until 2 minutes before kick off to leave the changing rooms, that’ll show Clemo.
Narrator: Will & Brendan are started on the bench for missing the warmup
THE BENCH!?!? HOW DARE HE PUT ME ON THE BENCH!! WHAT A PRICK… at least I’ve got Brendan with me.
Narrator: A strong start from the Wildcats puts Mickelham on the back foot and strong work from Aidan puts in Kody to slot home 0-1. Meanwhile Clemo takes one directly in the spuds blocking a dangerous shot.
Have that Clemo! Brenny quick warm-up we’ll be straight on now, feeling a couple of penalties today.
Narrator: Clemo indeed leaves the field with the impressive Shae and William Arthur Scargill Chadwick enters the fray, more from him later. With the Wildcats under the cosh for a large percentage of the rest of the half, only some assured defending from last minute recruit Putt along with some brave goalkeeping from Rorke kept Mickleham out until the break.
Great first half lads, we’re well in the game and Rorkes Mrs has brought oranges, what a time to be alive. Bloody Kody has overtaken me on goals now though, hope someone can win me a pen.
Narrator: The 2nd half begins and the pattern of the first half returns, corner after corner comes in with everyone chipping in to keep Mickelham out. Rob, Aidan & Bill across the middle, the fullbacks playing like trojans and Sanders just kicking the hell out of everyone. Big shout out to Shae causing them all sorts of issues on the break which looked like our biggest threat until Kody won a contentious indirect free kick from a ‘pass back’.
A bit closer than a pen but I fancy this, stop it dead and I’ll smash it, great strike… aww you f****r blocked it.
Narrator: Indeed it was a great strike but a solid block and we were back on the ropes, the pressure told as Mickelham bundled one home from another corner. But rather than fold this switched us back on and we suddenly looked like the only side capable of a winner, a great header from our man Chadwick found the keeper and we thought a draw was coming our way…
Beat him Nath, yes go on lay me, lay me, yes, Kody make the run, make the run, time the pass Will, time the pass Will, yes, go on Kody finish…. GET IN THERRRRREEEEE
Narrator: A last minute winner for the cats to send the crowd into raptures, a first away win of the season after a superb performance all round. Credit to all those who came in at the last minute, from 10 players at 8am to a big victory showed what we are made of. Time for a quick pint before the train home.
What is Liam going on about? Something to do with a daffodil, Callum Wilson and being through the last man standing. Can’t wait for him to meet Phoebe, just hope he likes her, she is so fit, not sure if the boys know – I better tell them again. Can’t believe they gave me the WIG, and now Kody has 2 more goals than me, a great win though.
Narrator: And so Will rode off into the sunset for a night of ping pong and red stripe, sound in the knowledge that the Wildcats marched on finally playing to the potential that he was sold in the pavilion 2 months prior.
Squad – Clemo – Rorke – Brendan – Liam – Jack S – Rob – Aidan – Nath – Putt – Kody – Will – Bill – Shae
MoM – Kody & Jack S
WIG – William Chadwick
Old Meads VIIIs 1 – 3 Guildford IIIs
I just can’t get enough of a 2pm kick off in Guildford, the long drive, the delayed kick off, expecting a cold, wet and windy game on an exposed hill in Stoke Park. Lovely. COYM!
The morning kicked off well with the usual few ‘wet’ texts coming in… to give you a flavour, not strictly accurate but near enough…
“I’m stuck in traffic”,
“I can’t get there, trains are cancelled”,
“A dog called Lucky has my bank card and I’m still chasing it”,
“I decided to take an ice bath with a stripper last night, I woke up and I’ve lost a kidney, so I’ll be late”
The worst by far though came from the Huss at 11:30 am simply saying “I’ve fucked up, I’m still in bed”… so there we were, 4 of us waiting for 40 minutes at the Chiswick Esso Garage for the Huss to turn up in his fur coat and gold chains, which seemed like an eternity as Sam decided to turn it into an episode of question time and talk about politics and liberalism.
Eventually the team bus (Rob’s car) set off with the Huss aboard for Guildford around 12:10. It was a cosy journey in the back, an ambience created by Chris Rea’s “driving home for Christmas” coming on the radio, just how I like to motivate myself before an away game. I was mentally tired by the time I got out of the car at Guildford but the sun was shining and the boys were ready for a game.
The first half was a bit hilly but Meads grabbed the first bit of meat with a good goal from the returning number 9, Jean. Things were looking good until Guildford decided to piss on our bonfire and scored a goal to equalise. Meads pushed for goals though with Freddie and the Huss heading it over the bar. There was one excellent save by their goalkeeper who despite looking old enough to be Jim’s dad, made a Ramsdale-like save keeping Jean’s header out, probably destroying a hip in the process but shattering Meads dreams to go into half time in-front with it.
The origins of the second goal for Guildford are still a mystery after a penalty was awarded. The Meads team turned into 11 Chris Kamara’s that had no idea what had just happened. The penalty went in and Meads were still stuck in Chris Kamara land until half time.
In the 2nd half the boys showed great fight, swarming like angry red ants around the Guildford box, Sam and Freddie took the ball forward a few times creating chances and one would’ve thought an equaliser was on the cards. Despite the total dominance though, it wasn’t translated to the scoreboard as the lads left their shooting boots at home. We probably racked up the “shots off target tally” to about 10-15. It was all sizzle and no steak. Meads desperate for a bit of meat committed too many players forward in the final minutes as Sam made a wanky pass giving away possession and our back line now thinner and more stretched than a pair of speedos on Miami Beach just couldn’t handle the counter attack. 3-1 Guildford. Special mention to the Defenders though this game, Jim, Elliot and Rob for working hard, they put in a shift at the back, kept the wall up for 80 minutes but just ran out of cement in the last 10.
Two players get nominated for MoM this week in my book, firstly Raj for his saves and secondly Joe and his 10 second wonder (title of his sex tape). Despite the 3 goals conceded, Raj put in a a performance between the posts with some stellar reactionary saves for the team proving he’s the right man for the job and rightly earning himself MOM, his confidence high…
…almost as high as Joe’s during the first half. What could’ve been a mirage appeared for 10 seconds as Joe (playing RB) seemed to grow dreads and morph into Ronaldinho as he lobbed the ball over their pacey LM player, ran around him and calmly collected it back on his foot with the touch of a maestro… I then blinked, wiped my eyes and Joe appeared again… I promise you, I’m not on any medication. Beautiful skill shown from Joedinho.
Three nominations for wig, Sam, James and some Guildford player who decided to come on the pitch and play after playing for a higher team in an earlier game ruining our fun (still wearing his higher teams kit with just a change of shirt). James came close to wig for picking a battle with the sun. A battle that he simply could not win, inevitably turning him into Stevie Wonder on the wing for the first 45 minutes . This man has promise though, some good positioning to be able to receive the ball higher up the pitch. He was like the man who fell out of the tree, he just wasn’t in it.
Sam (the Meads 8s Roy Keane) earns wig this week though for his last action of the game ultimately leading to the final goal for Guildford and for berating his own players. Elliot who put a shift in, finally blew his lid at Sam in the 89th minute: “giving it the big one all game, and not quite doing it yourself”. Good banter to end the game.
The result wasn’t kind to us but definitely improvement on the pitch so well done boys, we look towards the next game!