Newsletter w/c 4.4.22
- 4th April 2022
Fixtures for Saturday 9th April 2022
|Team||Opposition||Venue / Referee||Competition||Kick Off|
Race for the Golden Boot
Meads 0 – 6 Bealonians
The first WIG nomination came midweek at training. Having driven all the way from his hobbit hole on a chilly Wednesday evening, it transpired Harry had left his boots at home. He declared himself unable to train, unwilling to ruin his new Yeezys. Harry then did his best Cinderella impression, firstly trying on Gords size 10 boots. Unfortunately, being a size 2 and a half, hobbit Harry couldn’t find his prince so settled in some size 7s with the extra leather helping him to give his best training performance to date.
Being a key member of the fines committee, J took it upon himself to ridicule the management team for the lack of an item of the week. After some strong words were exchanged, he somehow ended up giving himself a double fine, only for him not remember what had been said come game day. Suggestions of this spat being fuelled by a couple of pints are unconfirmed, the hangover however seemed to coincide with 5 second half opposition goals.
Kev + Chris
As the oppositions 5th goal went in, a shouting match occurred in the middle of the park. This was quite out of character, for Chris that is, Kev seems to pick on someone each week to lay in to. When Kev started on Chris, a smile appeared on both Gord and Fishman’s face, obviously happy that they weren’t the chosen ones this week. Anyway as usual, Kev got cold feet about throwing any punches and was apologising quicker than Marsh could pick the ball out of the net for the 6th time.
Feigning injury seems to be a theme of late, most notably from Xav and Fish. Therefore it was a surprise to see Jordan sun himself off towards the end of the first half with no obvious injury. It transpired after conversations at half time that Jordan had a blister. Yes, he subbed himself because he had a small blister on his right foot, putting his skiing holiday before his football.
On his day, easily the best goalkeeper in the league. He’s kept us in many a game securing us many points over his years at Meads. Maybe he was due a bad performance then. It started with his kicking, shanking and slicing kicks from his hands and the floor, often passing it straight to the opposition. He then got beaten by a speculative pea-roller from the edge of the box. It may be harsh to say that Marsh was at fault for all 6 opposition goals, but Marsh was at fault for all 6 opposition goals. The worst being getting beaten at his near post from a cross. Or maybe the worst one was spilling the ball to their lurch of a striker for him to complete miscue his effort straight through Marsh’s legs.
I thought I’d save the best till last. And somehow it always seems to include the new (already a meads record breaker) captain. Anyway, I arrived pitch side early to find a penis sketched into the turf and some chuckles from the lads suggesting it summed up our season perfectly. A dog walker seemed to enjoy it also, but not as much as Fishman enjoyed stroking the female dog. That was before a horrific stench caused Fish to start abusing the female dog loud enough for the Oxford boat race team to hear whilst practicing on the Thames. Fishman was seconds before declaring himself unfit to play due to the trauma when Gord came running to his rescue to lick his hands clean. I think it’s safe to say that Fish will think twice before being so eager to put his hands all over a bitch again.
Overall an abysmal performance, credit to Bealonians who are one of the nicer sides in the league.
Old Meads VIII 4 – 0 Old St Mary’s III
Well done to the boys last weekend for finishing off the season with a solid win. Big up Irod, Sean and his little man for coming down to support the team. Great to see you there and the team wish Sean a speedy recovery coming back from injury.
This week we have highlights available on the gram, click the link to watch:https://www.instagram.com/tv/CcAONaMgy7C/?utm_medium=copy_link
Goals are covered in the video, man of the match goes to Guivin for having a great game as the video shows, scoring a hatrick. Wig goes to eBay Odegaard (Lane) purely for bottling it and taking a touch when he should’ve hit it one inside the box.
Will and Jonny covering LB and RB had a solid game, producing TAA and Robbo-like runs/passing down the wings. Great game from both, but great weighted pass from Will to set up Weekes offside goal (or was it onside?)
Art had some great clearances in the 2nd half, showing great promise at CB. Big up Art for that 2nd half performance. Kortney made some great runs, at one stage the mans feet looked on fire as his dribbled past players like a stream flowing over rocks, great work rate and unlucky to not get a goal this week, it’s coming…
Gulag Grealish (Max) closed down the opposition quickly forcing mistakes, great energy and pace shown with a beautiful back heel flick on volley in the 1st half to set up a chance. Elliot played well down the LCM, making runs, flick ons from headers and switching up the play nicely. eBay Odegaard kept good positioning and played some nice passes despite gaining wig. Quality from Wallace as always, with his runs forward, headers and “yeet” moment when he chested and volleyed it, potential nomination for wig though for getting cramp, coming off then realising he could’ve played on.
Charlie’s throw-ins were sub standard… (thats a lie) they were monstrous as always, it’s beautiful being able to have the opportunity to head it in from a half way line throw in. Charlie got a top clattering on another player this game and one on himself. All on camera, we love a clattering, it will go in the running for top clattering this season, tough competition though with Clattermole a strong and likely leading contender.
Clattermole had a great game. Clearances were spot on, helping set up chances and getting an assist, blocking a bicycle kick effort inside the box and keeping their number 9 in his back pocket all game, rumour is he’s still in Clattermole’s back pocket now, poor bastard.
GK Joe Donny Powell commanded his box well, made some super saves and assisted a goal from a goal kick. Solid performance from Spare Bale (Gooden) almost wig for his terrible hair style, started off as Bale but then went into something not far from this…
Spare Bale had some quality shots and unlucky to score but wore out the oppo in the first half for Weekes to bask in the glory 2nd half and score goals.
Great game by all, hard to find mistakes this week as the score line tells.