Newsletter w/c 22.11.2021

Fixtures for Saturday 27th November 2021

Selection

Match Reports

Old Meadonians 0 – 2 Old Wokingians (AFA Senior Cup 2nd Rd)

I’m writing this report in my car as it seems as though my wife has accidently locked me out of the house and I cant get a reply to knocking or calling on the phone.

So we’ve been having a bit of a tough time with results recently so I decided to seek advice from a winner. My wife’s tennis team have recently won their league and been promoted. Unfortunately her netball team are also looking like they might win their league as well. So I booked an appointment with her yesterday to discuss this weekends match. To be honest I was a bit apprehensive as we sat down in my office to chat.   “ take a seat mate “ she said “ its my office and I asked you here “ . “ sorry mate do you want my help or not”.  Point made  – I sat on the sofa while she took my desk. “ Ok on a plus point I’m pleased that you were able to keep your brother in the hospital for so long. We all know he’s been like a sea anchor for that team and its was time for you to kick on, but it looks like you’ve royally fucked it up” I started to speak but she went on “ listen please tell me you are not still playing some of those guys I saw when I let you have them back to your cabin? I mean that little fat lad from south London , what’s his name Fish oil or Fish guts or something like that, I mean he needs to go” “ I made him the captain” I said . She continued scowling        “The old guy the chairman , you’ve binned him off right –  he’s almost as old as me. And what about the striker , you know the one the teacher, doesn’t hit the target near enough. Also the left back the Chelsea fan please tell me he’s gone and the Poundland Jack Grealish  he’s gone hasn’t he. What about that Chris Botham you told me he was decent why isn’t he doing it and the two tiny guys Pavel and Harry I thought they were kicking on. Also the two Essex boys and the guy from your home town , aren’t they making a difference?”  I nodded and I felt my cheeks colour up as she continued “ Its like this , your starting to let the family down let alone Meads, I’m winning,  the kids are winning and you’re looking as though you and those gimps you coach are going to win the chocolate teapot award for utter shite in the field of Football. I’m losing patience with you and things need to improve. I knew this was coming so I got in touch with Rory whilst I was checking through your phone yesterday and told him I still had that dirt on him from the old days and if he knows what good for him he’ll help you out on Saturday. Don’t let him give you any old bullshit about a knee operation , he’s there until that brother of yours is back. Also tell that keeper that our catching training at Netball is on Monday nights in Worcester Park, sounds like he could use the practice. Now fuck off and get a result at the weekend. There will be consequences if you don’t!”

I woke up in high spirits on Saturday morning with my wife’s words ringing in my ears but also very hopeful after a great training session with 15 first teamers on Wednesday. It was vice presidents day and the pre match was relaxing and informal and it was a pleasure to meet some of them , although the boys were convinced that a special bus might have been run from the local care home to watch our game. We were ready early fully briefed up with instructions and words of encouragement from Rory who curiously turned up and said he’d help me as long as I needed it!

Warm up completed we had to wait for the Wokes keeper who was stuck in traffic but we started well and after an initial period of pressure where Tim made a great safe down to his left and right we started to compete and dominate in sections of the game. Our usual passing game just wasn’t as effective as normal so we were going slightly longer. Pavel was very effective but got quite an early booking and we’re still not sure why but we were growing in confidence in the first half with Ed Glover and Xavi going close on a number of occasions. Harry and Chris were not having the best of it in midfield with Harry looking like he had his feet tied together and Chris running through a vat of treacle. Ali Gordon despite heavy scrutiny from the defender was doing a great job but we still trying far too often to seek a Hollywood pass when a ball over the top might have been more effective. Second half and changes made with Abdi making a passable first team debut in place of Harry. Never thought I’d say this but Matt Fishman was having a decent game and starting to overlap and make chances, Chris went close with a shot which struck the crossbar and go to safety. The back three were steady as a rock but were undone from a corner when a mismatch ended up with Woking heading into the lead 0-1. More changes with Arun coming on for Ali and Ed moving up top. Although we created opportunities there was no real effect. We then conceded when the ball was played at daisy cutter level through our six yard box from the right and was finished at the back post by Wokes. 0-2. Joe Richardson came on for Ed and also made some immediate effect on the left getting in behind on two occasions. However it was not to be our day and we finished beaten but not cowed. Some stand out performances from Weaver, Trafford and Thom , Ed Glover, Fishman, Tim and Xavi. Special mention to Ali Gordon who reads the game as well as any player I’ve seen. So we push on to Wandsworth Borough in the league next weekend.COYM

PS….. MY FRONT DOOR JUST OPENED – SHES LETTING ME IN…. Oh my mistake she’s just flung me a sleeping bag – see you Wednesday!

Report by Gordon Allison

2nd Team – no game

OMFC 3 9-1 Poly 

The Wildcats have been hitting a bit of from recently, and the welcome news that Clemo would not be available this week with his unique brand of leadership saw the lads buzzing to get into a local derby with Poly Vs in an attempt to keep the cup run going. Managerial duties were left in the semi capable hands of Aidan, who had to deal with the usual raft of people turning up late, lack of kit, and Liam demanding everyone look for his shin pads (they were on his shins.. immediate WIG), which all left Aidan wondering whether the lads really respected his authority.

 
To the game, and within about 10 minutes it became very clear that this would not be a struggle. With Connor up front being the biggest pest to the opposition I’ve ever seen, and the spine of the team strengthened by Jack Book and Karim, the result was never really in doubt. The first goal came through Connor dispossessing their keeper who thought he was Rene Higuita (he wasn’t) and knocking the ball in. Number 2 was another example of the Wildcats shift to a more direct style paying dividends, with Brendan, who’s best attribute as a footballer seems to be that he can kick it very far, pinging one long for a Jack flick on, allowing Kody to run in behind and square unselfishly for Aidan to nearly miss from 2 yards. 2-0 and Poly are already fuming at each other and the ref and are beginning to lose their heads. Brendan then smashes one in after an Aidan corner, and we bring Nath and Karim on early to keep the pressure on them. This leads to another from Connor to make it 4, they get a lad sinbinned and it’s pretty much game over. Although not according to Liam. We have a shit 5 minutes where we let them back in the game a bit, which leads to Liam screaming at Aidan, in his dulcet Welsh tones, to “sort it the fuck out”. Got to admire the passion and professionalism of the guy.

Second half and Poly fall apart. Highlights include Karim deciding he is going to try and score as many as possible on his own and ending up with 4, including an absolutely delightful lob. Somehow did not even get a mention for Man of the Match though. Jack Book (who was deservedly MoM to be fair) absolutely running the midfield to the point where Poly just try and kick him whenever he gets the ball. Sam Harwood getting nutmegged by their weird shite midfielder. Marlon and Jack Sanders having the freedom of Chiswick to bomb up and down the wings and combine with Nath and Kody. Will channeling his inner clemo by trying to volley one into his own net, only for his northern buddy Brendan to save him by clearing spectacularly off the line. Rorke punching everything clear extremely well, then deciding to try and catch a corner and throwing it directly to their awaiting striker. Will sending their centre back for a hot dog then being about to pull the trigger, only to see his competitor for top scorer Kody steam in and literally take it off his toe by smashing it into the bottom corner. Oh well, his girlfriend was watching so I’ll let him have that one. Poly get a man sent off for clapping the ref, always a classic, and Meads enjoy their afternoon stroll in the park. Full time, 9-1, into the next round and job done.. Clemo feel free to piss off to Nottingham every week.

MoM – Jack Book
WIG – Liam ‘H’ Harrington 

Report by – Will Chadwick 

OMFC 4s 1 – 2 Sinjun Grammarians 2s

You know it’s a cold mid November fixture when 5 mins before kickoff the boys are queuing up to use your tiger balm! Muscle now appropriately warmed up it was go time!

Coming up against 2nd in the league we knew we’d have to match them early doors and the boys started well, knocking the ball around the midfield and trying to get it wide into Shae (I myself (Sean Gallagher) playing on the left, painted a lonely ignored figure). Some great work was taking place down the right with Jack Stansfield, Casey McGuinness and Shae Bell working into dangerous areas which led to a few unsuccessful attempts on goal.
Confidence was high so it was tough when we conceded a sloppy goal from a corner. They had some big lads that flooded the box and made the most of their physical presence.

Long, high balls from their keeper were a problem for us all game and our confidence seemed to diminish slightly as we weren’t dealing with these very well it gave the opposition confidence and they leaned into this form of attack all game. For 2nd in the league though it was surprising that this was about the long and short of their tactical approach to getting a result and we found that there was definitely a chance of getting back into this match!

The first half swayed back and forth with half chances for both sides but the Falcons worked really hard to get back into it and some solid work from Casey McGuinness led to what might be an early contender for ‘goal of the season’ for our sharp shooter Jose! Some say they knew it was flying in as soon as he hit it (Dom Stables) others (myself) was ready to roll my eyes at a speculative effort that would end up in Roko Sports Centre!
More fool me… Jose beautifully stroked the ball top right from just outside the box with “no keeper in the world saving it” as they say.

Half time: Meads right back in the match at 1-1

Confidence boosted by Jose’s “worldie” we went at it once more and started pushing the opposition back into their own half for most of the second half. I didn’t see much of the ball in this game so thought the least I could do is get into Sinjun’s heads with some psychological shouts of “keep pushing” and “one more goal” “it’s all us Mead’s”. You would have thought this would have rallied us into a comfortable 5-1 win however, all it led to was another sloppy goal for the opposition that seemed to dribble into the inside of GK Ali Basma’s net! A real blow for us as up to this point it was “all us”.

We’ve been here before this season (throwback to the fixture the week before whereby we managed to turnaround a 3-1 score line into a win!) however, for all our pressure and half chances towards the end of the match it was tough to see the same happening today. An awesome header from Dom Stables who leaped up and gave it some proper “JT” stuff was cruelly denied with Sinjun’s clear it off the line…how?! We all protested, hands on head).

As the game was coming to a close Sinjun’s had one MO… Do not concede! We huffed and puffed but couldn’t unlock their defense to bring the game back equal. Final score 2-1 Sinjun’s.

In summary, this 2nd placed opposition will know they were in a tough match today and we need to take that forward into next week as we certainly have enough about us to beat teams in this league. Up the Meads!

Match report by Sean Gallagher

John Fisher OB 1st v Old Meadonians 5th

A lovely saunter down to Warlingham on a Saturday afternoon is very rarely associated with a trip to John Fisher OB away, this particular Saturday, was no exception.

Playing away against top of the league always brings its challenges, especially when it’s in the arsehole of nowhere. Following a 30 minute trek through Mordor to find the ground, we’d arrived.

The warm up was enough for Rob ‘Sicknote’ Tanner who made an early claim for WIG by pulling a quad and being unable to play, fear not though, a solid start at the back (almost certainly assisted by the absence of Tanner) saw us solid at 0-0 after half an hour.

There were chances at both ends but JFOB remained relatively ineffective going forwards due to the unusually high work rate of Meads, nosebleed territory inbound. Stitch, Guivin and Bridle all went close for Meads, and the pace and link up of the front 3 was making life hard for JFOB with Meads threatening on the break.

A heartbreaking end to first half saw a cut back from the byline ricochet off of the evergreen George Killough who had bossed the CDM role thus far and agonisingly into the back of the net. JFOB with their tails up, came on strong for the last few minutes and a couple of smart stops from Trisan in goal kept it 1-0 at HT.

The second half started and a recuperated Meads again were resolute at the back looking for opportunities on the break. JFOB continued to probe but were frustrated by Meads and as we approached the last 15, it remained 1-0.

With the clock ticking down and the a couple of changes made to seek out an equaliser, the JFOB pressure finally paid off and after some cavalier defending from Tim Gates and a smart finish, it was 2-0. This was followed by Tim receiving the nicest bollocking in history from Albie at Centre Half.

The last 10 minutes was wank, they got 2 more before the end and the final score certainly didn’t reflect how competitive the game was. A huge effort from the lads and an undeserved finish to an all round miserable afternoon in East Surrey. FT 4-0.

Team – Evans, Golbourne, Gates, Nesbett, Whelan, Killough, Hackshaw., Bayliss, Stichbury, Bridle, Masebo & Gtaibi

MOM: Bayliss – Despite being described as ‘Lanky and shit’ by the oppo put in a huge shift in CM. Then proceed to smash down 10 pints in his first out outing with the 5’s – good effort.

WIG: Bayliss – Needed a mid-sesh chunder to manage 10 pints and took himself home before he embarrassed himself – bad effort.

WE GO AGAIN

COYM

Report by Rob Tanner

6th Team – LOB CUP

Controversy always seems to taint this fixture against Old Tiffs, first there was the allegation of racism, then the kick to our keepers face coupled with the supposed “only 80 minutes have been played” more recently our player deciding to leave us midway through the game when we had no substitutes, as he didn’t agree with being subbed.

Tbh, I’ve tried to forget all about this team since they won promotion, unfortunately we drew them in the 1st round of the LOB, so it was going to be an interesting game.

We started with what some of the players would consider slightly peculiar tactical decisions, namely the formation and a left back playing right back, and a centre back playing as a forward. “Trust me” is all I needed to say.

My other centre back, who at the ripe old age of 22 appears to have a body of that of a 50 year old, assured me he was going to last the full 90 for the first time this season, the game became even more interesting because of this.

Couple of minutes into the game and we find ourselves to be indebted to Christian for a couple of wonder saves.

We weathered the storm and started playing some decent football from then onwards, with the majority of the good work coming from the left flank. 2x balls within minutes of each other are lost to the rough, which are unreachable, Derek, I swear it’s not my fault!!! Our request for the oppo to use one of their balls is point blankly ignored, twats!

Following a few near misses we rattle their post which was very unfortunate not to go in, merely a warning shot if you ask me, within 5 minutes, a glorious pass from midfield slices through Tiffs back line and that centre back (not the youngen) finally breaks his duck for the season.

Mr calm is then introduced to sure up the midfield and open up play, centre back is blowing, so is taken off to have a much needed breather. We go into half time 1-0 up.

We wanted to get this result for Brandon, who was desperate to play in this match despite suffering a double fracture to his nose last weekend, regrettably I told him to take the week off to heal up, but it’s that sort of hunger and drive which saw us take control of the second half and start pumping Old Tiffs all over the pitch.

Following a set piece we go 2-0 up, another exquisite ball over the back line, striker burying the ball past the keeper. “Still hungry?” Oh yesssss! 3 and then 4, we kept on knocking on the door and asking for more…

Game was cooked, all Tiffs did from there onwards was acquire yellow cards, 3x in total, ohhh yeah and then kicked off about my filming, honestly speaking please practice what you preach, you can’t take photos and record clips on your i-phone and then quote GDPR, does help if you know the law too, as it’s not illegal to video record in public spaces (for all the VEO users and Vloggers out there)

It would seem apparent they didn’t want to have any reminders of how badly they were getting pumped, can’t blame them for being salty really.
The last minute of the game was truly remarkable, we conceded from an absolute worldy, you had to feel for Christian, he’d had a great game, but it was how we failed to score a fifth goal right at the dead.. A flick up, chest down and dragged wideeeeeeeeee…..

The lads dropped to their knees as if we had lost the game!! Criminal that miss..

Final score 4-1.

MOM: Jacob
DOD: TK

Meads 7s 1 – 7 Reigate 5s

Its like deja vu all over again… similar scoreline.

Meads actually competed well for the first 20 mins and were consistent for the game in patches, until a few goals sneaked their way into the Meads net. One coming from a throw-in that even rivalled Charldinho’s cannon-like hydrogen propulsion system of a throw.

Late into the 1st half, for once instead of tying his shoe laces, Weekes was looking up and managed to get on the end of a nice through ball from Nathan… a clever investment in laceless boots. Work smart, not hard boys.

Anyway, Weekes got himself into the danger area and looked threatening inside the box inevitably drawing a foul. Pen awarded. Weekes stepped up for the pen, he looked so cool about it, I reckon at this point you could drop a tarantula into the mans shorts and he’d still have been calm. Clinical finish, goal Meads. 3-1 to Reigate at HT .

Now they say football is a game of two halves… but you’d have to drink about 20 to believe that in this game…

Lane, Muz and Mo Salah came on 2nd half, making themselves present. Lane started the half off well, winning headers and creating chances, thinking he’d lifted the team, foiled by sending a few inch perfect passes to no one in particular. Muz brought some flare on to the pitch but from the few opportunities we had, we just couldn’t work the magic in the final third and Mo Salah’s attempts at goal were blocked by Reigate’s 6ft4 and made of custard CB.

Midfield couldn’t cut out the passes in the 2nd half, causing pressure on the defence, forcing Bev to become an expert at quickly folding his deck chair away and cover 6.7km at CB with top speeds of 17.2mph. MoM goes to Bev for being busier than a two dicked dog at a bitchfest all game.

Despite the good work rate from all 3 CBs (Bev, Jim & Gurdeep), we couldn’t keep them out and Reigate were all over us like shit on velcro, managing 3 more goals in the 2nd half from through balls. The last nail in the coffin came from a free kick on the edge of the box, a power shot making its way over the wall with a bit of bbq dip on it and in. 7-1 to Reigate.

To summarise this weeks game despite our efforts we were worse than an Amish virgins blowjob… and I’m pretty sure the team would agree… if Roy Keane had been there to comment he would’ve probably compared us to the prawn sandwich brigade and then threatened to fight us all.

Mo Salah gets WIG this week for trying his hand at rugby in the warm up and converting the match ball over the crossbar, lodging it in a tree before the game. Ball lost, try converted, 2 points and WIG.

Report by Ben Lane

OMFC 8th Team – no game

OMFC Sat Vets – no game

Meads Sunday Vets 4 – 2 Old Alleyns Vets

Smith x2, Jones and Gordon

MOM: Smith

Wig: NA

Over recent months the club have strived to ensure each team produces a match report for the newsletter. However, it has also been highlighted that the standard of match reports is not particularly great and generally followed a common theme. So below I’ve drafted one that players with an inability to write one can at least submit something quickly. 

Points to note if using:

Though it says player X, this is not the same player, please use actual player names

The point about refs has been softened under club guidance as a few of the refs receive the reports. Granted I was as surprised as you they could read let alone see, but the usual moan about the ref seems to be a theme

The weather was (cold/wet/windy)

Player x, didn’t turn up so only had 12 players.

Player x turned up just in time for kick off with kit bag, so meant no warm up.

Player x then got injured meaning no subs, so player x did us a huge favour by playing the full game injured and at left back. 

The oppo were lucky throughout and nicked a goal against the run of play. 

The ref was unlucky to get all decisions wrong as was often quite some distance away due to the fast paced game. 

Player x struck an amazing strike into the top corner

The oppo somehow managed to beat a number of amazing tackles and scored with a fluke. 

Second half and the wind was against us, but we battled hard with 11 brave souls

We lost

On to the Sunday Vets report (hopefully not following the report laid out above). The squad the Sunday vets now have is very strong and getting stronger with the new additions. Some of the older stalwarts have been put out to pasture meaning there aren’t too many weak links. We didn’t even have the full strength Management team present, somehow Paddy double booked football with a lunch. Not quite sure how he can double book on his calendar when his bookings are just colour coded sticky dots – remember Pads – the green sticky dot is football, so don’t double book on these dates. A call went out to try and get the numbers up from the Saturday sides, but it appears the Gen Z disease is catching and travelling away from loved ones on a Sunday morning is not an option. Those that did make it were only saddened it wasn’t further away so more time away from ‘loved ones’ could be had. We managed to get a bare 11 out, and If we would have had a full strength team we would have taken the opposition apart. We had a strong 10, but add yours truly into the mix and it makes an easy win into a competitive match. 

Within about 2 mins Meads were 1 down, left winger ghosted past me like I wasn’t there, in reality I wasn’t, as I was trying to figure out how to move. He cut it across the goal, for the striker to bundle it home. Soon after we equalised with Leon using his strength and calmly slotting home. The oppo went 2-1 up, when their best player hit one in to the top corner for 25 yards out. We equalised with a typical Leon finish. At half time, Rory’s words from before kick off of managing the game, still held true, but we were confident at this point as had the majority of the chances and still very dangerous, with Leon, Bridle and Craig all causing havoc.

Second half was tough work for everyone. Granty at one point looked ill, had a moment where he forgot the ball and fell over – Rory considered subbing him off despite having no subs, but thought better of it. The vets experience showed, when their best player started arguing with the ref, a lesser experienced team would have told him to shut-up, the vet, however, encouraged the ref and got in his ear, meaning he lost it for about 15 mins and couldn’t play. Craig made it 3-2 using his pace to get an advantage and slot home and Ali made it safe with 15 to go calmly powering in a first time shot. The highlight of the game was how Bridle managed a header over the tall netting at the back of the goal – that was more impressive than the game itself!

Report by Gav Kenny