Newsletter w/c – 13.12.21
- 13th December 2021
Fixtures for Saturday 18th Dec 2021
|Team||Opposition||Venue / Referee||Competition||Kick Off|
OMFC 1s – No Game
OMFC 2s 6-2 Old Sutts 2s
11th December 2021, a date that will live long in the memory of one Ian Hunter and his Scottish counterparts Andrew Reid and Finlay Blair. 11th December 2021, the day that Old Meads 2s gained glorious revenge over Suttonians 2s with a rousing 6-2 victory. Unfortunately none of the aforementioned could attend the grudge match in Cheam due to the self-proclaimed Badman of Balham deciding to have his wedding midseason. Rumours were circulating pre match that Andrew wasn’t even invited to the wedding, but running scared in Northern Ireland anyway, from the Sutts goalkeeper after a rather unsavoury incident last time the 2s took the trip down the A3.
So it was up to ‘assistant manager’, Lloyd Jackson, to once again take the reins for this tough away trip. Still yearning for that promotion to ‘co-gaffer’, Lloyd has been used more as an errand boy this season, chasing payments and filling out match sheets, but also providing the odd bit of tactical nouse that has seen him rise in management from the ranks of the 4th team to the 2nd team. Some stats for all of our fans out there. Make of them what you will…. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y8fhccACnDY
|Reidy (‘The Manager’)||Lloyd (‘The Assistant’)|
|Points Gained While Managing||9||19|
|Goals Conceded While Playing||2||0|
|Yellow Cards Received||2||0|
Anyway, onto the game. A late pullout on Friday night from Jack C (not for the first time by all accounts), left the boys down to 11 so we had to take back a player who, among many others, we had offered out earlier in the week, one Miniesta Sanders. Luckily, winger turned LB, Finders brought his number one fan with him who agreed to get a strip on to make numbers up to 13, and Lloyd once again found himself as 14th man. Still nursing a broken ankle and only two weeks out of Covid, the big man didn’t fancy his second run out in two weeks.
Ally and Lloyd spoke to the lads before the game and warned them that Sutts would be long ball merchants and winning first and second balls would be integral to getting 3 points today. As always, this advice fell on deaf ears and the 2s found themselves down 2-0 after twenty. Not a good start. Meads started pressuring the Sutts goal with Harry whipping balls in for fun and number one fan turned long throw specialist, Craig, peppering the Sutts keeper for the remainder of the half.
There was a nasty collision in the 41st minute which saw Jack Book on the receiving end of a solid jab from the Sutts keeper, not THE SUTTS keeper who was managing from the sideline today, but today’s Sutts keeper. Soon after the ball broke free and Jack, who must’ve been seeing two balls as he finally made clean contact with the ball for the first time this half, sweetly struck home a half volley from the edge of the box. 2-1. Another Sanders corner left the Sutts defence in disarray and fresh from the Maldives, newly engaged and very red faced (clearly forgot to pack his factor 50), Dan Wils struck one towards goal only to be blocked before his quicker and better looking namesake, Nick, put the rebound into the Sutts net. 2-2 halftime and those goals were certainly needed.
Pavel had to come off which saw Toby slot in and the loons piled on the pressure in the second half. Some tireless work from big Al saw Toby tap one into an empty net. Potentially stealing it on the line with some saying it was going in anyway, but a goal is a goal and the 2s were 3-2 up. The 4th soon followed, and the 5th and the 6th. But they all seemed to roll into one. Chris provided a lovely lofted through ball for Nick Wils to head one home. Nick also completed his hatrick and Jack B got his second.
Unfortunately Lloyd can’t remember how those goals went in, perhaps still suffering the after effects of the vicious assault from one of the Sutts players while the game was 3-2. The ball went out of play and Finders was once again on his ass feigning injury in the corner. In an attempt to help him out, Lloyd picked up the match ball and juggled it around his body to stop the quick throw, before the Sutts CM took a disliking to Lloyd and hit him with a German suplex. 1-0 Sutts. Lloyd swiftly jumped up and give the Sutts player a friendly tickle round the back of the head. 1-1, with the battle finely poised. Unfortunately, the infamous Lloyd Mayweather was nowhere to be seen today, and couldn’t react quickly enough when the Sutts player duly lobbed the ball square into Lloyd’s nose. 2-1 Sutts was the final outcome here and Lloyd ventured off up the touchline, tail between his legs and blood pissing from his nose. It didn’t stop him from making his second appearance of the season though when Dan ‘I constantly cramp’ Wilson, once again had to come off.
The match finished 6-2, but not without one more argument for Meads. Not quite the Kieron Dyer/Lee Bowyer incident, more just a bit of name calling with several uses of the word C*** and D***. Nick Wils and Si must have a bit of history as they hurled abuse at one another from 50 yards apart, despite being 6-2 up with 30 seconds to play. All was forgotten as they shared a father/son like embrace at the final whistle.
Some of you may be wondering where Ed McKenna is in this match report. Unfortunately, he was busy this weekend. This time it was his girlfriend’s second birthday of the season – K10 clearly forgetting he’s already used that excuse once this season. I know things get a bit muddled down in the valleys, but people tend to only have one birthday a year Kenna. Anyway, don’t worry mate, your attendance record is still far better than Andrew’s.
OMFC6s vs BRE2s – LOB CUP
Tis the season to be STRESSED OUT!!!!!!!
TrA la la la la….
December always holds true to the promise of problems, and a multitude of those were experienced during the week leading up to this match..
Player availability was so bad it actually saw me (gaffer) take a player from another Meads team, which is a rarer feat than it takes for a total eclipse to come around!
However, as a result of players catching covid, players being hospitalised, players being arrested, players losing their phones and going awol, players having being escorted home from a certain “house parties” and having sanctions imposed by their better half’s, then throw into the cement mixer the injury list, the classic “I’m going to the Bridge this wkend” those working and those desperate to escape the shores of the UK before further Covid 19 restrictions are implemented.
You then find yourself up shit creek without a paddle or a substitute, and only one centre back in the biggest game of the season against team who are bossing their league in the division above you..
I’ll be honest things were looking bleak but its like I told the lads, “sometimes you just gotta play the hand you’ve been dealt.
Luckily tis Christmas time and the season for miracles, late Friday night we get an unexpected IN, and on the day, the player who went awol because his fisher price phone died, decides to rock up like I’ve known the whole fucking time.
Good omens are hard to come by in the footballing world and despite some rather challenging preparations, it was apparent the footballing gods had cast good fortune upon us.
And boy did we need it, our makeshift back three were thrown right in at the deep end and had to get to grips with their new perspective roles from the get go.
The ground resembled that of an old wet yellow sponge with tiny holes in it, the type you keep in the garage, that you’ve kept for years and still wash your car with, yellow being indicative of a banana, as players were literally slipping all over the place.
Ironically we found our feet in the game rather quickly and were dictating play for large spells of the first half.
Everyone was fully aware of what they needed to do, press from the front, defend as a team, cover for one another, pass and move, hit the channels on the breaks, and get stuck in, which clearly rattled the oppo.
Halftime and we’re 1-0 up.
The league appointed match official who’s voice box resembles that of Miss Hooks from police academy, was making some rather peculiar decisions when they did blow up.
It took on average about 60 seconds for any player to understand why the whistle was blown in the first place.
I think within that 60 seconds they were reprocessing the incident in their heads before making a call.
Second half fatigue was beginning to set in for the meads, on an already choppy pitch which was on the straight decline, we were still looking the better side however conceded a worldly goal against the run of play.
Truth be told it’s upsetting not to keep a clean sheet but you don’t mind so much when it’s a goal like that, applaud them and settle your players nerves.
Brent now have a spring in the step but it didn’t last very long, we got a corner which was taken at a rather odd angle, the keeper was totally perplexed by the balls trajectory which has looped over him and goes in off their players knee..
What ensued was the defining moment of the game which came down to the referee.
Brents winger runs into the box, but is then marshalled off the ball, he decides to take a dive, the Ref blows the whistle and points to the spot.
All you could hear was the crying, lying and denying of a player who then admitting diving.
Marc then took to explaining the deep laws of physics and how one would fall if clipped!
Well whatever he and T said seemed to resonate with the refs reoccurring, filtering memory bank which they were reprocessing, as they then retracted and pointed to the corner..
This truly was a WTF (wow) type moment.
Meads clear the corner, elated with the decision but were very disgruntled by the antics which Brent had now chosen to adopt in order to get back into the game..
Further antics continued which resulted in some full on hairdryer treatment straight outta the book of Sir Alex!!!
I wasn’t even me… lol
Meads squander two opportunities to put the game to bed which makes for a tense finish but we come through.
Final score 2-1 Meadoooooooooos
(Some choice comments made on the day)
“Don’t worry, the winger cannot play football”
Brent players: yea he dived but how can you change your decision?”
Ref: “That’s a bit dramatic”
“Hey Big man, you need to go to the gym”
“I would loved to see the keepers face”
“You cheating ****”